It started out with Mother's Day. I am very blessed to have a husband that has always made my mother's days very special and this one was no exception. Other than all my emotions..lol Mother's day was bitter sweet for me this year. For those of you that don't know we lost a baby in February. This was our last chance to be pregnant so we were really hoping for a miracle. The odds were pretty much stacked against us from the beginning but I still prayed and hoped we would get that miracle. It hit me really hard and shook my faith to the core. Some days I hate what Fragile X has done to my life. I know it has made me stronger in a lot of ways but some days its hard to find the positive. If I could take away the Fragile X I would. Does that make me a bad person...I don't know. I guess that's why we all pray for a cure. To have it all just without the messed up gene.
Then we had IEP day. This one hit really hard. For anyone who doesn't know what an IEP is it basically lays out the plans for the school year for any child who needs it. It involves sitting in a room with a bunch of school professionals telling you how your child "tested" on evaluations. People telling you how far behind your little man is. It makes me feel like a failure of a mom every year. I cried for 2 days straight. Let me just tell you that I discovered the power of Xanax. Where has this been all my life? Except for the fact that I wanted to sleep all the time it did keep the emotions in check for the most part. It was especially tough because we were told he wasn't going into kindergarten. This will be the first year he is not going to be in same grade with all the kids he's grown up with. I know its totally selfish of me but I really liked being able to say that he was in preschool with all of them and we had that in common. So now I get to here all about pre-school graduations and preparing for kindergarten. Don't get me wrong I am so happy for all of my friends and family and their kids. I celebrate with them absolutely. It's just that selfish part of me that wants that too. Now, do I think Hayden is ready for Kindergarten?..no he's not. Do I think in the back of my head somewhere I was preparing myself for this?...Absolutely! It just hurts to see it in writing. With that said he will be spending a portion of his day in Kindergarten but the majority of his day will be in PPCD. He is for sure in the best place possible for him right now. The teachers are great and the program is amazing! However, this summer will be preschool boot camp with drill sergeant mommy! It's all I know how to do...don't worry we'll have fun I promise! Ok, to all my friends reading this who are going through normal transitions with your children and school please keep telling me about it. I really do want to hear and I am really happy for all of their accomplishments.
Ok here's where it all gets better. After IEP week we decided to go to the ocean. What a great idea. I suggest anyone who has the option available use it! We were so worried because when we were in Florida he hated the ocean, wouldn't go near it. Hated the noise. Just plain out hated every minute of it. At the time it was just to overwhelming for him. Not this time he LOVED it! Loved being in the waves. The more they crashed the more he loved it. I was having mini heart attacks with how brave he was getting. What a relaxing and wonderful day. Great way to relieve stress and let the worries go. Well all that is until the ride home when Mike and I realized how fried we got. Well you really do need to pay attention to those expiration dates on the sunblock. Who knew???
My mom was in town and we celebrated her birthday. While eating cake Hayden looked right at her and said "Nanie, I love you"!! My mom and I cried like little babies. That freaked Hayden out cause he couldn't figure out why we were crying. He'll probably never say that phrase again...lol
So now its getting into routine and finding our rhythm. It feels so good to be in that place. I never knew how much being out of routine would effect me. We have pretty much from the beginning not had our own routine. We've had people staying with us or Mike has been out of town. Normal life has been well..nice. I guess I can admit that Texas is not that bad. Meeting people has really helped and having other mommies to talk to has been a God send. I will say that I cannot believe how hot it is and the humidity is disgusting. Dry heat...I was lied to for sure. Where is this dry heat? I haven't seen it yet! But I did find a biggby equivalent..oh and the best part its right next door to a really cool jewelry shop! I still miss playgroup and girls nights. Can I just tell you that not being there for my nieces graduation from preschool is killing me. We have skype, the phone and we'll be home in a little over 7 weeks.
Hayden's new phrases..."what are you doing?" He said that to me the other day and I just about fell over! "Have fun!" He says this when he say bye, see you later, have fun! It's too cute. We are now starting to get our names with a phrase like "bye mommy" or "where's daddy?" Hayden is now into Thomas the train. The other day while at the store he wanted to take "Thomas home to see Baylee"! How do you say no to that? Well I did cause have you seen how expensive that Thomas stuff is?? Anybody getting rid of Thomas the train send it our way!
Some of our dreams for Hayden seem so far away...then I look at how far he's come and think that nothing is impossible for this little man!
Thanks for dreaming with me,
Love Tina
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