Friday, September 23, 2011

Bitter Sweet

I figured I better update this. As most of you already know the little guy that our family was matched with we will not be getting. Almost two weeks of wishing, hoping and preparing. To say the least it was heartbreaking. We found out he wasn't coming home with us on Monday after visiting him for an hour and having him fall asleep on me. If I wasn't in love already I sure was when I walked out of that visit. As I was driving home I got the call that said it all. We found out about a week into it that he has a little sister. She was on life support fighting for her life and not expected to make it. Well on Monday we found out she pulled through...what a little fighter. However she is what's considered medically fragile. Our home is not licensed to accept a child that is medically fragile. The state found a family that is licensed and willing to take them both. So as the title says its very bitter sweet. We know he is where he needs to be, with his little sister in a loving home. I pray for them both that God will continue to heal that little girl and bring peace for both of them.

I'm great full he was never placed in our home and then taken away. That would have been pure torture. Make a break for the border torture.

I think Hayden thinks we are nuts. He's probably thinking I've gone off the deep end and created an imaginary friend. Because one day we were talking about and preparing for this little guy. And the next we were putting high chairs and car seat away and never said his name again. Not sure if I handled that right in hindsight. Should I have tried to explain it better? Probably...ooopps live and learn.

I want to thank all of you who posted such nice things on facebook or sent us an email or called. We really appreciate the support. Your thoughts and prayers make all the difference. For those of you who have called and asked and those of you who are just wondering. Yes we are sure we want to do this. Yes we know that we will probably face more heartache. Yes we know the next time might come close to breaking us. It's the HOPE that gets us past all of this. It's the HOPE of being a mommy and daddy again that makes the heartache worth it. It the HOPE that God has a plan for us on his time and not ours that keeps us going.

We've made a pact that the next time we go public with news we will be holding a baby in our arms in our house. So stay tuned.....


Romans 8:24-25
For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

Psalm 34:18

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.


Karen Mayes said...

My heart broke for you as I read this post. I was moved by your selfless desire for the boy you had hoped to become a part of your family to remain with his sister. God will bless you. His plan, while so very mysterious at times, is perfectly playing out in your life. I hope you give yourself a chance to heal. I will be praying for you and your family.

Turtles Mom said...

Thank you very much Karen. I really enjoy reading your blog! Your little boys are so precious.